Call me when you're up
Great dream, you were in it
Ikea night.
?
Insert tab A into swedish slot B
She told me to stuff her like a turkey. She actually yelled happy thanksgiving.
i robbed the continental breakfast last night
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Just warning you the last time I had captain Morgan I gave a blow job to a guy that looked like Jesus.
She refuses to believe she pulled down her pants and spanked her ass in front of us
Will do. If it all falls thru I'm just gonna set up a sprinkler in my back yard and run thru it while taking jello shots. Perfect alternative to my 29th bday.
Just thought you should know I'm having a reunion tour of Athens this weekend. Minus the weird guy I was fucking last time.
SHE BROUGHT HER PARROT TO THE PARTY. IT SQUAWKS EVERY TIME SOMEONE VOMITS LIKE 'PARTY FOUL SQUAWKKKKKK'
You asked for 4 things: your phone, your wallet, your keys and your denture. I stopped asking questions.
I believe the question is can one ever have too many vibrators?
Everyone is like kids first day of school and I'm over here like I need to stop sleeping with random
Fuck. I did it again. I plugged in my toaster and walked away thinking it needed to preheat. I am dumb.
When we started the night I was in zebra wedges & she was in my black boots... I woke up wearing pink flip flops & the mirror on my rental is fuxked up. Wtf happened last night?
Randomize
