I'm at the point in my career when i know a sites a trap and isn't real porn
So you honestly dont remember putting honey in your bong? You kept talking about how you wanted to become a bee and fly
You're pretty and everything..but you aren't worth the DUI
come over i need a lifeguard for my shower
I was under the impression that I sent actual words. turns out it was a series of letters and question marks on a side note we still had sex
I woke up to ritz crackers on the lawn, a keystone behind the hedge and puke on the rental car... i think that we have become that house...
So, do you know where my left shoe is? I mean, we were at a few places last night, and I called them. No luck for me.
You had your dick do your apologizing for you last night. Apology accepted.
They're tearing apart the house I lost my virginity in:(
I'm sending you the three minute video I jus took,....it's of me eating a pear up close
It's a sit down to pee kind of hangover
Tell me again your tentative move date. There are 5 Russians in my apartment on ecstasy and they are having a rave in my living room. I can't. I need to move stat
i ended up eating cold sauceless spaghetti out of the container in the fridge with my hands.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
Randomize
