Things overheard in WeHo: "Just drink a corona and eat some ass, you won't be hungry anymore"
I stood up and a chip flew out of my shirt and landed in the chip dish. I just walked away.
Yeah, we realized keeping you in a cage wasn't beneficial to us
And then I'm going to yell into her vagina and see if it echoes
the only reason i even kissed her was because we were having sex when it midnight, and i heard people yelling "happy new year."
I dont have enough money in my bank account to buy a pregnancy test. this wouldnt be the first time ive had to steal one either...
Go on vacation with her and forget to pack pants. I did that once and it worked like a charm.
Just a heads up. Everytime I get arrested in Maine I claim I lost my ID and use your name.
The highlight of your blackout was when you drunk showered with the garden hose and emailed your boss your vacation requests for the next year.
I just sneezed and it made my entire body ache. Hungover is an understatement
It was so cute that he apologized for getting cum on my couch. If he realized how many guys had cum on that couch in the past year, he wouldn't have touched my vagina with a 10-ft pole.
Was booty called last night and I was so blacked out that my roomie made me puke before going to "eye of the tiger." Why I'm still single is beyond me
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
we used a blowdryer last night to warm up our left over pizza..it worked perfectly at first..but then the chili powder got into his eyes..
Randomize
