so my bro's bff came over...we had an awkward "yeah we fucked and can fuck later, but let's just pretend it didn't happen in front of the family" hug.
The new Black Eyed Peas song is the stupidest shit I've heard since the last Black Eyed Peas song.
so I woke up this morning and on their fridge, the first item on the shopping list was my virginity.
He soundtracked our prebreakup sex, our breakup, and out postbreakup sex. At least he's dedicated.
We made a late night liquor run, made margaritas and bloody marys and then retreated to opposite sides of the house to drink them. Alone.
You guys make me sad
You misspelled jealous there
But i don't feel like talking to him right now. I woke up an hour ago to a picture of his penis and I AM NOT A MORNING PERSON.
You can glorify being single all you want but relationships are awesome. I haven't gone more than 24 hours without sex since June.
It's 3:30pm, I've been out of bed for an hour and spent most of that barfing. We're switching to beer next debate.
Hold on. At Sephora trying to decide what despair smells like.
I smoked that joint really fast and now I'm so high I'm crawling around on all 4 giving my dogs piggie back rides pretending its the macy day parade for dogs and I'm their giant human float.
I don't care that you had sex on my bed. I care that you used my lollipop condom. I was saving that for a special occasion
It was a special occasion. Your best friend had crazy awesome sex on your bed. Thank you
please let it be arousing that I used numbers to figure out how well I'd give you head
At first I was nervous, then drunk me thought: What other chance will you realistically have to fuck a British guy?
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Staff meetings will be awkward since my boss and I both did the new intern
Maybe she doesn’t know you did him
Oh she definitely knows - it was a threesome
Please tell me you’re not taking life advice from porn scripts again
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