i just found a plastic monkey in my sweatshirt pocket
Umm I had a plastic mermaid in my pants......
Really
You win
You're only the seventh guy she's ever kissed. Somesones gunna get EPICALLY stalked
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
there's a lady drinking out of a red cup in class. HAPPY FRIDAY
I love her so much that if I could have sex with her I wouldn't cuz my dick would feel out of place in such a perfect body/vagina
...Then she just started hitting me with a loaf of bread.
It's safe to say that bucket of tequila night can NEVER HAPPEN AGAIN.
When we were all out of beer you took a bite out of the cardboard beer box and said "close enough."
once he tried to wake me up from my hangover nap to have sex, that's when things went downhill. he had to go.
remember when I lost my virginity and said I could see myself becoming a sex addict?? Well I'm pretty sure that time has come
I don't trust his life but I trust his penis.
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Right in the middle of our simultaneous orgasms, he shouted "HAPPY NEW YEAR" ruining the intimacy
he took my bra off with his teeth, THEN decided he just wanted to make out and cuddle. i don't know what the female version of blue balls is, but i've been living with it since 1 a.m.
We have such a parasitic relationship. But the kind where the parasite benefits from the relationship. Like the pilot fish and a shark. The fish gets the leftover food scraps from the shark and the shark gets a free bath from it.
that's so insightful.
Randomize
