My favorite part of our friendship is your tits.
every time I worry about a career mistake, I remember Michelle Pfeiffer did Grease 2.
well after this past weeked you can expect to see me on maury playing a little game called "who's the father"
Your the only friend that would realize I'm gonna get drunk and send coke to me at a bar before I made drunken phone calls for it. You sir complete me.....
She was crying, alone at a college bar. It would have been rude NOT to try and show my penis to her.
My dry heaving is complicating my ability to speak.
New favorite drinking game: bobbing for jello shots. Where did these freshmen come from and when can we go there?
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
My life has become one weird ass game. No one wins. No one loses. We all just kind of hang in limbo and hope we don't die. Eskimo sisters for life. Please have sex with one of them.
A surplus of mistakes were made and I don't know what 89% of them were.
As for the other mouse...I don't have any mouse traps so I put a Jell-O shot on the ground. Party hard little dude.
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
She has a girlfriend too.. we decided that two cheats equal eachother out to zero. with our flawed grasp on algebra and the bottle of jack we were passing back and forth the logic seemed airtight.
Lobby closes at 2 AM on Thursday, but everyone walking still wants food... I could run a "Taco Bell Taxi" when I clock off at 2 and charge a dollar to give drunks a ride through drive thru.
Someones thought of a way to afford tuition.
So I lost my dignity between the strip club and your penis...
Randomize
