you were convinced campus grass and foliage would give you your daily serving of vegetables to balance out the amount of alcohol you drank.
We had like 4 guys come over and buy us all drinks as an excuse to hit on Kendra. Hanging out with her is now officially fiscally responsible.
You should have seen the look on the cashiers face when I was buying steel reserve with a suit on.
She punched my vomit. In midair. Back into my mouth.
I HAVE FLAVORED BLOW. THIS SHOULD NOT EXISIT.
you closed your eyes and pointed to a cupboard..there was vodka on the top shelf. your sixth sense is amazing. plus, we convinced the foreign kid you're a booze whisperer
Pretty sure I asked the person at the pharmacy counter in Walgreens to marry me last night. But also remember Rachel Maddow crawling through the TV screen, so my memory might be a bit compromised...
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
I called you a cum goblin in my voicemail. I stand by it.
If the sex wasn't incredible why would I compare it to cheesy tots
I’m going to try to be less of a cryptic bitch this week. Should be nice.
There's no sexy way to moan the name Ernest. Or Ernie. This relationship is fucked
WHY DID I MAKE A 7 minute video of me eating crackers and cheese when I was high
Send it to me
Eh, my puke tasted like lemonade, so not too bad
If you need me I'll be in the hospital involving super glue and fake eyelashes.
Randomize
