I think I just got seasick
you're not on a boat
he has a waterbed.
im learning from these one night stands last time i came in her this time i came on her AND deleted every contact in her phone!
Pot didnt help. Now Im even sadder but now im afraid of the clouds and the crickets.
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
I bought a nasal spray, my nose needs to be in order by the weekend
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
She just pulled out a chicken strip and a hundred dollar bill from her purse. This is a legit twentyfirst bday weekend.
I'm not leaving bed today. And i guess my drunken ass last night hit my roommate in the face with a tiki torch then proceeded to cry while carrying around a picture of he who must not being name. I'm a piece of work.
I poured everyones drinks into the ice bucket and then stuck my face in it. Apparently I'm a greedy drunk.
I feel like I got hit by a bus. A head on collision with my vag.
That was the #1 scariest moment in my life. I have full trust in you, I let you bite my penis for god sake.
Yes ma'am.Im also looking at my collection of penis pictures in my email playing "who;s penis is that"?
There was pot, but there are no Doritos, no Funyons, no Oreos.
Send help.
what do you mean he's functionally heterosexual
However, pretty glad I spent the night puking on my car instead of fucking him. Then I'd REALLY be miserable.
Randomize
