If I was Danny Tanner and my wife died and left me with three kids I would hire a nanny rather than bringing in the sexually promiscuos uncle with a fetish for leather and rebellion and my obviously mentally ill (possibly gay) best friend Joey, who has never had a girlfriend and consistently talks in cartoon voices... a nanny is just a better choice
what i wouldnt give for a night at orourkes without seeing 3+people ive slept with
on the list of things id be doing when i was almost 30, waiting for a girl to finish shitting the bed wasn't on there.
How much would it be to rent out Gus Johnson so he can announce our flip cup games?
you kept say ridiculous things then repeating them in perfect classical latin. You are onee intelligent drunk
I can't try on my wedding dress because someone is trying to commit suicide in the store. Is this a sign?
The tequila covers up the fact that the choco liquor tastes like sadness.
I want my tombstone to read "making poor life decisions since 1993"
I need vodka mixed w a bit of holy water right now
That was years ago. And it was chlamydia.
All my female reproductive organs were screaming HELL YES last night.
I just called my grandma crying, apologizing for being the first grandchild to have premarital sex...I'm either about to start my period or pregnant.
sooo, that video of you eating lasangna with the strobe going magically reappeared on my phone
you asked how they got the microwave in the air. we had to explain three times that it was mounted there until you finally feel asleep
Nope. Im a prince of the americas. I treat my women like future queens. Also, im drunk watching the royal wedding
Randomize
