How many pudding cups do I have to eat for it to count as dinner?
4.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
No one wears that much makeup to work unless they are trying to fuck their boss, NO ONE
I got to find out the airplane alcohol limit, and somehow I made it through the flight.
Do you think royal wedding drunk calls for wine or tequila?
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
There is only one good excuse for how sore I am right now. And that is incredibly acrobatic sex. Unfortunately for me that is not my excuse.
Woman at starbucks on her computer with a garbage bag of popcorn and a bottle of lotion. Where are you coming from?!
You kept hiding under tables and grabbing people's legs and shouting SHARK ATTACK.
He totally sucks at sexting. He sent me a clothed shot of his ass captioned "I know this gets you going." What?
Dude. I need you to practice dancing around in your banana hamock. Party boy style. I'll call later with details.
Goal: finish my bio assignment before the Xanax kicks in.
I dont need your sympathy!!!! Just a fifth of vodka and gummy bears...lots and lots of gummy bears to take my agression out on.
Randomize
