you know i'm gay cause i'd have sex with lady gaga. what straight man would say that?
Nicole wore just a belt and her pedometer and hopped on top of me last night. She "walked" 822 steps before we finished.
New charity walk idea!
A monkey stole my iPod. This was not in the fucking study abroad brochure
I was just informed that you are the reason for my 2 missing front teeth.
Look, we all have our slutty phases. Mine is just forever.
there is a strobe light in my taxi. in what way is this safe.
Her next conquest seems to be stealing her ex-boyfriend's new girlfriend. Pretty sure everyone involved is totally OK with this.
I think as a general rule I have to have blacked out somewhere at least twice to be comfortable.
all I know is this drummer better stop eye fucking me while he plays cowbell. it is way too early for that.
He's gonna do me a solid for doing her a solid. It's like pay it foward. But with sex.
Is there a hallmark card for "could you please slide the FUCK out of my DMs"....?
You can call me ugly and you can call me fat,but don't you EVER say my meme game is weak.
Oh god he’s a clown I fucked a rodeo clown
While he was fucking me, he just stopped and said, "Mike says Hi." Then proceeded to fuck me.
What did you do?
What do you say to that!? But, when I came, I screamed out my full name.
so on the street and some kid is chanting "cheeseburger, cheeseburger, cheeseburger!" while pumping his fist in the air. i agree.
Randomize
