I'm watching harry potter...good thing I already know I'm gay
i just told my boss to make it rain at camelot later...what is wrong with me?
i just heard my neighbor say from outside my window "i don't give a shit what he does, what the hell am i gonna do with my son's penis?"
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
A slipped finger up the butt isn't the end of the world
She's been divorced three times and use to raise cock fighters. Of course I'm interested in her
He wanted to take a picture with our pizza to show his mom that I was pretty but more importantly that he practices in "sober" activities
she was rubbing her elbow against the fish tank and laughing hysterically then she said I'M THEIR FISHY GOD and watched harry potter
If you see my mugshot on the news tomorrow, its not what you think
i gave up on the vacation being fun the night i ate all the marshamallows out of the lucky charms while everyone else was having sex in the condo
MY INSIDES ARE BASICALLY BEING WRUNG BY A CHAINSAW IM NEVER TAKING PLAN B AGAIN
I don't remember his name. I had whataburger on my mind and in my hands so I wasnt really listening
Just to clear things up, yes you did lick the strippers butt
They made the paper for stealing gnomes. I fucked a local celebrity.
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