You going to midnight mass? we need a dd
Today should be called shooting fish in a barrel day. Every place ive gone to ive met a girl who regrets not hooking up last night. There have not been girls this easy since Fathers Day
I woke up to find her cooking breakfast wearing nothing but my Nuggets jersey. I don't think this could end better.
Just got a full body massage. It was uncomfortable at first, but then I realized I let strangers turn off the lights and put their hands all over my naked body 3 times a week anyways.
he drove an hour to get eggs with me not even a blow job, just eggs.
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
Apperanlty I was screaming "It's hard to swim with a broken ankle sir" and then tackled the lifeguard. The joys of blackouts
i just peed with my friends in your backyard... do you still live here
We hooked up and then we watched game of thrones while he fed me chocolate. I don't see how our benafriendship is a bad thing.
I was so gone I thought the cops banging on my door were kids from the party trying to get into my room... needless to say, I started moaning louder so they would take the hint.
A warmed up burrito and jelly beans. The breakfast of champions.
In retrospect i can confidently say that the last two months of our relationship... i was only in it because i didnt wanna lose my list on his netflix account.
also. got fucked to usher last night. dunno if thats a new high or a new low
Was it at least a good usher song?
If I'm gonna have a rotation of guys, I really should stop them leaving boob bruises...
Still drunk. lying on the floor just rubbing my cats nipples
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