I figured girls wouldn't be down to sleep w/ a guy who plugged a pregnant chick
I am going to invent a chocolate mix for sperm.
no homo or anything but the way you were dancing with that girl gave me a boner
I would like to thank collapsed soviet republics and fathers who didnt show enough attention for tonight's festivities
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
You said my dick was impressive. You thank someone when they say that. My momma raised a gentleman.
I'll even give you a complementary welcome blowjob.
It's not that I'm in love with her, so much as I would love to be her lesbian experience.
Ok fine, yes she's pregnant. But you're ignoring the most important part. HER BOOBS GOT BIGGER. That doesn't happen every day, and I owe it to myself to enjoy those boobs before the belly catches up to them!
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
YOU LEFT MY FUCKING BRA OUTSIDE OF YOUR HOUSE AND NEVER TEXTED ME.
The amount of drunk I'm going to get tonight will be somewhere between Jim lahey and bojack horseman
Dude. I’m playing chess through iMessage with a stripper. What has my life become.
Randomize
