I heard we made out
then I woke up and felt a boner that wasn't even mine. never taking 3am vodka again
so was this before or after i puked down the ice luge?
I'm like cupid
You're a whore with a bow and arrow
your philanthropy is ruining my sex life.
ummm i just drove by ur house and ur passed out on the porch. please call me when u get this
Friends dont let friends get hit with a flaming baton without warning
"lets watch the sunrise" turned into "lets have sex on the roof at six thirty in the morning"
My near death experience also doubled as my coming out story
they all just nodded
Basically I don't wanna put on pants...but I'm stoked for drinking my face off tomorrow.
Well, I made it all the way to the gas station. And from there, I begged a cab driver who was parked outside, to give me a piggy back ride the final 2 blocks to my apartment. I wasn't in the cab. Didn't have to pay. Drunk me is smart, and very lazy.
I think my penis runs off weed. I haven't smoked it 3 days and I have no sex drive what so ever
How can you tell that you're blacked out ?
You can feel it in your nipples.
I’m doing tequila shots with lesbians. This isn’t how I planned my night but I’m not complaining
I just puked into a clean basket of laundry.
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