obama could have borrowed sotomayor's dick when he threw out that that first pitch like a girl last night
Dude she has a fucking rock collection. Never will I ever talk to her again.
All i remember before i blacked out is you pointing to a random chick and telling me to bang her for America.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
Well you are. Awfully cute even. Like baby bunnies. And tiny, tiny penises. You know.
I banged her roommate when she was gone. She came back with a chicken sandwich and a bj. Then she said " smells like my roommates vagina" I think I can get a threesome tonight
I can count the number of hours she's been sober this weekend on one hand.
coming from the girl bound and determined to pee in the snow
why would you restrict a girl of that
Just think. Tomorrow you'll wake up, shower, and get your brains fucked out. That's your ice cream. Today is your peas and carrots.
Calling a preemptive no homo on tonight's activities
It's getting to the point where my ability to get dick pix during the work day is impressing even me. Take that, adulthood!
I spilled wine on my pillowcase and I figure it's basically my lifeblood so I'm just leaving it
Just keep me informed about your plans. That way i can figure out places to go and if i need to shave my balls
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
when your dumb AF ex “accidentally” venmos you $50 and texts you asking for it back..... —sorry I accidentally deleted your number and cashed out
Randomize
