Soap is not a condiment
Dual, econ, hell, shiv, aunt, puppy. 1 out of 6. T9 word needs to learn how to cuss like me.
I would do things to you that would get us burned at the stake if we lived in a puritan village.
Thank you for leaving pool of vagina on my girlfriends carpet.
yeah well we're currently on the phone and she's telling me about how much she misses me and all this shit and i muted myself and i'm watching porn.
I think she must be bulimic. I mean, every time I see her I know i want to throw up.
Meanwhile I am sitting on the couch with a 32 ounce rum and coke trying to decide if I'm too drunk to go get french fries.
Just stabbed myself in the face trying to lick melted cheese off a kitchen knife.
What's that word that means bigger and smaller and bigger and smaller, again?
Goddamn it, Jaime, it's 4am. Throbbing. The word is throbbing.
I just stood up and am wasted. I think I just admitted to my mom that I am trying to fuck everyone in New York because they're skinny and ethnically ambiguous. Meanwhile, happy hour isn't over yet.
I'm so poor. I just wiped my ass with cocktail napkins... That I stole from the neighbors... When I was over there stealing Cheetos.
As planned I took it to the limit. Then we met a new limit. Now they are limit friends.
Alright if I email the police department asking for my mug shot do you think they will email it to me
There is a fake eye lash glued to one of my balls.
how am i in montreal? thats like a 3 hour train ride. i remember nothing.
Randomize
