even my farts smell like vagina
I knew something was wrong when santa got arrested
Ok forget what i said about christmas break being awful. Chasing shots with fudge
So, you didn't have time to come pick me up but you did have time to get plastered and then write "champagne money" on every one of my statuses for the past month?
If you fool around, take the WHITE sweatshirt off of her first. It's mine, and I don't like your cum nearly as much as she does.
Apparently I texted my high school english teacher asking her to tell me what logical fallacies she taught us three years ago.
The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.
The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.
Well, that now makes it the 4th girlfriend in a row to cheat on me. I don't even care anymore...I'll date a prostitute and not even worry.
He held the beaver pelt from the fireplace over my crotch and asked his friend "she look familiar now?", he then remembered my name.
She tried to beat him up using a half gallon of Bacardi, instead she got tangled in Kayla's hanging bra and broke a lamp. She can party with us anytime.
50% drunk capacity currently
I was trying to drink every time they said planned parenthood but my body isn't cut out for this.
He asked me to come stay with him so he could "see that ass and watch Harry Potter."
She woke up with her hand super glued to the fridge....how the hell am I Supposed to get her off??
I keep worrying she's gonna have a repeat of the time the ceiling fan was talking in Chinese
Randomize
