my night went downhill once I lost my bikershorts. EAWSSSSYY ACCESS
i was so high it looked like the chipmunks movements were coordinated to that lady gaga song
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
You layed on my kitchen floor with a pile of m&ms at your crotch, said "your lightbulb don't match, is that one new?"
Handle of 100 proof captain dressed like a pilgrim here we go
They ran out of ice at the party, so I fixed my drink with frozen broccoli....the show must go on!
Dude, I just had the best sex of my life in a porta potty at the NCAA girls lax championships but didn't get her name or number. But I have her sunglasses. How is this possible, I'm sad.
I love your life.
Your mom won me $100 and you showed me your tits. Solid evening.
You need to stop me from lighting my hand on fire next time we're working
Just gave my thesis presentation, pretty sure I made out with the admissions woman last night.
You're never the same once you're dry humped on the frat house floor
...and if you can get the necessary ingredients to make the Buffalo Chicken Melt, I will latch forever at your Teat of Justice.
We'll just play naked Twister, the rest will take care of itself
We told him to puke in the Denny's parking lot or we wouldn't be his friend anymore. So he did. He wasn't even drunk.
It really hurts to walk. Any idea what happened to my hip?
Randomize
