New high or new low? Cat walked into the bathroom while I was taking a #2, looked @ me, sneezed and walked out..
Why are we friends again?
don't go back without me... they'll know i'm pooping.
wouldnt it be awesome if walks of shame were like charity walks...you could get sponsors and shit and donate money to curing STDs or cancer
Sundays have taken on a whole new meaning when I'm not in bed with an excruciating hangover.
They were going around the house breaking things and screaming "Not my house!"
Waking up in a pool chair wrapped in toilet paper is not what I planned when I agreed to movie night
Almost made out with Amanda but I told her "I'm in a committed fake lesbian relationship with Laura. I can't."
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
Well apparently I decided it was easier I piss in the trash can at waffle house than In the toilet. Would've been ok if the trash can was in the bathroom.
My ideal friend would be my dog as a drug dealer
He got a new tattoo in prison. It's actually a good tattoo, making it that much harder for me to hold out until he's off house arrest.
My philosophy is thug life and that means never having to say your sorry for stealing drinks off tables
decided to jump from one of the levels of the Westin chicago Nortghwest. it was worth the broken legs.
Just got back from a Walmart run. The music went straight from Kid Rock to John Phillip Souza. If that doesn't scream 'MURICA I don't know what will. Happy 4th!
you tried to make the parrot smoke your joint
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