Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Watching Miami Social reminded me of how much I miss snorting coke with burger king straws in a life guard hut on the beach until we noticed someone was drowning.
Did you save them?
Who?
just got drunk at a party with Christmas themed solo cups.. holidays are officially here.
My professor just gave us a margarita recipe.
Why?
Because, and I quote, he "wants to give us the tools to succeed in life."
He sprained his penis one time
He was "naked wrestling" and fell off the couch and landed on his erect penis
I didnt say frisky time, just alone time, to chat, or watch a show, or stare into one anothers eyes, or souls, or asses, whatever you straight people do
No more margaritas for you. Also, tequila should be reclassified as a hallucinogen.
Bar selfie Saturday turned into bar nudie Saturday in a hurry. I need to delete my snapchat...
you said you couldn't hang because you had to masturbate and feed your lizard
It was 6am and he went immediately for the 69. WTF?? 6am is WAY to early for acrobatics.
Being drunk isn't an excuse for eating all of the bacon asshole
Knows all the good gay bars AND has a dog? Wtf can't I drop pizza on guys like that????
11:30 you texted me saying he was on his way. 11:37 you said, "Oh my God that was terrible."
I believe the only reason I am slightly functional right now is the leftover drugs in my nose that I keep sniffing
still drunk on my way to class to give my presentation on the negative affects of alcohol on the body. hell yes.
Randomize
