I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
dude, my face is all kinds of fucked up right now. and don't even start with i told you so...
Going to a jewelry store high is not a good idea. I look like mr.t's wife.
Wedding update: no alcohol, 75% of people have left, no one is dancing, no single groomsmen, and it's 5:30. I'm going the fuck home to drink by myself.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
I thought she was being abused so tried to go in at the sympathy angle, but the bruises were from pole dancing. I went in at all angles.
My drunk neighbor is arguing with a goose in his yard. This was the highlight of my day.
Would I be bad if I bought a pregnancy test at shoppers the same time I hand in a resume? Or do you think it would get me the job?
I told you, I don't give a SHIT about their music. I JUST. WANT. TO FUCK. THE BASSIST.
Laying on a pile of just out of the dryer clothes because this is NOT real life.
Nothing like a near-death experience to start off your Thanksgiving...
Have you ever looked at someone and thought…oh honey, you're too pretty for an ankle monitor
we are currently pregaming for our walk to the liquor store.
step one: admitting you have a problem. complete.
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Unfortunately the rum ran out midway through our viewing and we had to suffer in silence for the rest of it.
Randomize
