before smithy murders me i need you to know 3 things. 1) i got with smithy's little sister last night. 2) i will always love you like my own brother. 3) smithy's little sis digs anal.
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
Ah that type of Dick. I think my phones trying to make me less of a whore by capitalizing Dick. That way it looks like I'm talking about a dude not penis
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
What baked good do you think says thanks for being a great tutor, lets bang?
He just walked into my room in a robe with a cooking pot of cereal.
I'm dressed like a deranged cupcake. Let's get fucked up.
We played alot of beer pong and ventured into the woods with tiki torches
I'm drinking wine from the cap of my laundry detergent container, wearing my bed sheet as a cape. How do you think I'm taking it?
Masturbated before I came into work and now the finger scanner won't clock me in. Fuck Valentines Day.
If there was a tv show called "True Life: My 58 Year Old Dad Rolls Better J's Than Me" I'd be on it.
We fucked so hard that when I orgasmed I tore his towel rack off the wall. He was more impressed than mad.
I just tried to brush my hair with a can opener. Who gave you that brownie
Can I get high for this class every tuesday? Its like a multi-sensory carnival acid trip.
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