you want me
i'd rather choke on a dick.
I wish you were here to vomit in your hand.
Fantastic night. drank beer from a wine bottle, danced on a van, chased a llama, and fell from a fence
beer for lunch on the first day back to school.... too soon?
by the way- Brandy out of a doggy bowl was AMAZING
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
Also I fell in love w a girl dressed as a pirate that was great at doing the limbo
I think it says something about my sobriety when I don't notice a Taco Bell wrapper stuck to my ass until I'm in the shower...
I swear to god, my hangover cure is a green tea and a 15 minute twerkout. works every time
I appreciate you letting me know that the bird died but why didn't you do something about the corpse? or at least give me a heads up that it was still in the cage..Jesus
you have no idea how hungover I am. I can't deal with death right now.
I think my favorite day of the week is the day we get to fuck
I woke up on some strangers couch covered in salad mix and oatmeal cream pies. The struggle is absolutely real.
he has pokemon bedsheets but his dick is huge so i took one for the team
I did what i always do when i miss him; masturbate and watch Bridges of Madison County.
I don't think getting eaten out in a smart car behind a circle-k on my break by a guy I just met classifies as social distancing, but I'm beginning to love night shift more and more.
Randomize
