It's just you. You wear the fuck me fedora and wear baller shorts, hollywood hippie who thinks she is shakira when she's drunk.
so last night after we hooked up i got my period and woke up this morning with a blood stain on his bed and not only was it huge but i had put my jeans back on before bed so i took the walk of shame with period stained pants
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
I can hear her moaning. I'm on some random guy's counter. He wanted me to cuddle but I said I didn't know how.
Your last day of twenties? OK. Then I'll give you til midnight. Then you turn into a pumpkin. A big, 30 year old pumpkin.
Remember the bouncer that knocked out Dave and Sam? Apparently his day job is a florist. Uppercut and fresh cut in one package.
nothing like having plan b for breakfast in a cvs parking lot before ordering this semester's textbooks
Rule travel - in 2s or put an ankle monitor on me, and maybe a shock collar.
Was your bare penis on or around my blanket?
i tried giving myself a bikini wax.1. i hate you 2. i think i'm dying
Status: mom bitching about grandma not shutting the fuck up, while not shutting the fuck up. Dear Jesus give me strength or more bourbon.
She wanted a dick pic so I sent her brett Favres dick pic then she asked why I have pictures of old men's beautiful dicks
As much as I want you to bang someone other than me, he is an asshole.
I. Am. Not. Tattooing. My. Penis.
Randomize
