apparently you CAN get banned from Nascar.
so all night Ive been that girl with her tits out @ the bar. I mean I dropped jaws, yo. But in a classy way.
I just had an epiphany. There is NOTHING TO STOP ME from making cake mix and eating it all instead of making a cake. It feels like my entire life has peaked at this moment.
if i wake up one more time on my porch im gonna start considering myself homeless
Just spit on a sock to clean a spot on my glass table. Oddest combination of so lazy and motivated ever.
Ate pizza for the 3rd time today, can't decide if that's disgusting or an amazing aspect of American culture.
Thanks in advance for a great weekend. Sorry your roommates are going to hate you after I leave. They need to loosen up anyways.
Seriously what kind of college town is this? Nobody parties during the week or abuses perscription drugs
We realized tonight that we have to get advice about guys from you because you're our only straight male friend that neither of us has slept with.
The taxi driver was going on about how many drunk chicks want to sleep with him when he drives them home. Not sure if he was bragging or hinting
I need vodka and champagne for my new favorite drink, vodkapagne. Alternative spellings are "vodkapain" and "vom-machine"
totally just stole a 24 pack straight out of the miller truck
call me with an emergency in 5 min. This chick has a strap on hangin behind the bathroom door.
I have someone saved in my phone as "This Hoe Ain'tit' Loyal" and I'm missing my superman boxers. Explain.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
Randomize
