No, don't ignore my call, i just need to know, whats cuter a pig in boots or a miniature horse sitting down..
I mean don't get me wrong, vaginas are terrifying, they look so sneaky with all their layers and secret compartments and trap doors
just saw a girl throwing up in a taco bell nacho cantainor going 60 down the highway
arguing about whether his trip to england or my trip on acid was better
Ok. In one sink is a hairdrier. Still plugged in. The other is filled with broken glass. What do I do?!
Nvm. Bloody hand trumps dead. Also, where is gauze.
literally have a bruise on my forehead from being over the toilet all night.
Why is there bacon braided in my hair
I'm sorry for gagging during our first time having sex
I was drunk
Please answer
Got a 72 hour restraining order. Can we meet monday? Let me know!
Excuse me, but I got friendzoned and all I could think about was the fact that I didn't have my underwear back on yet.
There is a stockpile of mangos and vodka in my backyard and I'm at least 90% sure you had something to do with it.
I don't think meeting his drug dealers counts as a relationship landmark.
Executive decision.... we are cuddling naked
Omg i got really stoned and used a makeup app on my grandma...well, I’m definitely not adopted
Let's just face it you're going to have an arrangement with your future wife your fuck me on Thursdays
Randomize
