Awkward medical moment of the day: A very obese girl with a disorder that literally makes her hit herself punched herself in the face. Literally. While screaming 'MCDONALDS MONEY'. Right. Beside. Me.
we got a new version of the plan b at the pharmacy now. its called next choice. you would think they would come up with better names for these things.
i knew she was desperate at the point in which she started showing me her naked pics on her phone
I fell asleep to the sounds of them banging in the next room. It was oddly soothing...
Wore last nights jeans to Christmas Dinner with the fam, found a half gram of blow, while they're praying ill be railing.
I legitimately just tried to piss above my head. I got to my chest at highest. There's piss everywhere.
I judge a person on how well they respect their vaginas... I can tell by the lack of respect she has for hers I dislike her.
This is just what we do. We meet guys, go back to their place, smoke all their weed & go home to compete in out own version of Cupcake Wars.
He added his name to my To Do list. That's the way to my Type A heart.
I'm hungover laying in my moms bed watching Space Jam.. Adult Life..
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
I accidentally told my mom I broke my drug nail this weekend
I just want him to make us coffee. And whack off into the sunset
My manager gave me an envelope with money in it before he had vacation, and when I asked what it was for, he said it will be his bail money.
Just had the biggest masturbatory crisis ever.
What does that mean?
Internet is down.
Randomize
