Fuck Jersey, the house im in is so baller but this state just cannot win.
SO stoned. Sitting in just a thong in front of a fan. NO work for a WEEK! Life is good :)
ive never been actively dumping during the pledge of allegiance before today...
I want him to come over and snuggle with me but put a bag over his head. Is that rude?
It's not rude if you use a pillowcase that's softer.
Well, I wanted to be you for Halloween but I couldn't fit seven dicks in my mouth.
Maybe if more guys knew my pillowtalk occasionally includes me scribbling notebook diagrams of cell signalling pathways, I'd get laid more often
You were walking away to pee and as you were undoing your belt you looked at me and said "the belt is off. the game is on. Remever that."
Come back I feel like I ticking time bomb of
of drugs
woke up in a random sweater in a random bed in a random house on a street I don't recognize..
also, I vaguely remember swapping shirts with some random guy on the dance floor.
I went out to have a smoke, and next thing I know, he's got me bent over a picnic table praying to deities I don't believe in. You should have been there.
Btw there's a hedgehog in my room. Don't get it high
Sabotage it. Cum quick. Make it awkward so you don't hurt her feelings. Who says nice guys finish last?
Taking out my recycling and 90% of it is alcohol and cat food. I am judging myself.
Ya, It's probably because whenever I close my eyes I see a kitten playing a banjo.
We went to the midnight donut shop and you hopped the counter and told everyone to "Get the Fuck out of your Bar" but to also "Make yourselves at home".
Randomize
