So i decided to deal with the awkwardness of last night by making out with all three of them
just left the emergency room. condom extraction.
I stayed up for hours making sure you didnt pass out in a mountain of your own puke. But when I heard you yell AWWWW FUUCCKK, somehow I knew everything would be ok
I felt like a dog for all the times during sex that he said "good girl"
I think I just accidentally agreed to become a surrogate for a gay couple
Thanks for stopping me from letting that 14 year old feel my boobs. Thanks.
You're gonna judge me.
Howd you sleep with him already
I'm not so good at organized events that don't revolve around whiskey or playgrounds.
I lost a whole day of my life. Apparemtly I was using my deodrant as a phone. And is my phone there?
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
Yeah, the email that I was sending to get an Escort for the weekend, copied and pasted to my boss, that should be interesting conversation, when I come back from Christmas vacation break.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
And now you know why we call him Three-Balls Brad
I would like to make it known to all of you that my penis is official retired, but it thanks you for the countless years of service you provided
You know those times when you're sitting down for a while and r like damn I'm sober but then stand up and r like WOAH HOLD UP.
Randomize
