Dogs love guiness but it fucks up their kidneys
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
How do guys with small dicks who cheat on their girlfriends get girlfriends!?!
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
He told me about how he pissed his pants last weekend like it was a normal part of conversation. Within 10 minutes I was going home with him. I think he put me under some kind of spell.
Travis is back on this booty and burgers thing. If I'm his delivery service for food he better fuck me how I want.
It's called "lets see how many European capitals we can do the walk of shame through in one year"
Malt liquor mondays...better in theory.
Please hurry up and come back. This is so awkward. He's showing me banana videos.
I CAN'T FUCK HIM OUTSIDE. THAT'S FOR PEASANTS. HE'S TOO FAMOUS FOR THAT.
I could be busy drinking my face off and getting red white and bruised per usual
Yea I almost drowned giving a BJ in the shower once
okay, but you can't tell anyone. Every time he instagrams something with the caption "avocado," it means he's booty calling me. Happy?
Good, I don't think Coke dipped ring pops hold up in the mail anyway.
I'm texting you know although you won't get this until you wake up. the only reason you are strapped to your bed is because you were trying to fly out your window.
Randomize
