these pics are all outta focus - was this what the camera saw? or what your eyes saw?
I somehow fell asleep on my kitchen counter using the microwave as a pillow
Superbowl and Mardi Gras a week apart. World's longest bender here I come.
I mean I'm forever immortalized as the one who puked in his dad's straw hat.
I've never seen a grown man cry so much after getting jerked off by a stripper. I say it's the best $600 he ever spent.
Just realized I lost my social security card...maybe someone else will do something with my life
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
This is going to be one of those "I can only do this high" classes
I just jerked him off with one hand while holding my wine glass with the other and watching Congo. I feel like this was a preview to my married life...
I need a fucking roommate.
You need a fucking babysitter.
i knew it was a party when i saw you sitting on the couch naked with the keg in your lap, still drinking and passing out cups
Should I wish him a happy birthday?
Well he has been inside of you enough times that you probably should.
MY GUT IS TELLING ME YES AND SO IS MY VAGINA
I'm literally watching a webcam of the Vegas strip right now and it is making me sad.
Randomize
