Our hot neighbor just came over and asked for a toilet plunger...not so hot anymore
Fucking Canada. At least when they wake up tomorrow they're still in Canada
We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.
In the middle of fucking me, she said "Hold on, I need my Hulk hands."
i would bitch about being this hungover, but honestly im just happy to be alive after this weekend
I figured that I'd start organizing the places ive given head. I'll add treehouse right after bandroom
my left tit made it into the crop job on your profile pic, I knew it was good for other things
just puked a little into my hand/sleeve. way too hungover for the first day of class
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
shes wearing an ankle tracker so she should be easy to find
There was a point where you were singing "Friends in Low Places" to yourself while Juicy J was playing so I got worried.
I've found my soulmate with the cardboard Dos Equis man.
I DID NOT GO INTO HOURS OF STRENUOUS LABOR FOR YOU TO LOOK LIKE A DOMINATRIX BARMAID ON A WEEKDAY. AT LEAST SAVE IT FOR THE WEEKEND GDI.
I didn't even know his name until he texted me the next day and told me I should take a plan B pill. Thanks Danny.
I hate closet cases. I've been wooing this chick the entire quarantine. We finally meet up tonight, we're two drinks in, I've got my hand half way up her skirt and her husband calls. She promised to bring home dinner.
Randomize
