brad dismisses pussy with prejudice
the biggest problem in our relationship is that im team edward and my boyfriend is team jacob
My mom and I are having a "yay I don't have herpes" shopping trip day
Yeah, she tried to drown her but then they hooked up.
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
just saw a guy snowshoeing to the liqour store
was it you?
...yes
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
Never thought I'd say this, but getting head from a skeleton was better than I thought. Happy Halloween
i want to platonically make out with them, platonically. in the back of this minivan
I just watched my ex butt chug a quart of eggnog. Why did I dump her again?
You left me a message at 3am crying because you just found out there's a Paddington Bear statue in Peru.
MY LIFE IS A TRAINWRECK THATS ON FIRE BUT SOMEHOW STILL MOVING, I HAVE THE RIGHT TO SCREAM OUTSIDE AT 2AM
I have dined. Now I want to get fucked.
Is that strawberry winking at me??
Randomize
