I wish there was a morning after pill that made you instantly sober
I dont know if he should be happy or mad about it but he's too big for a blow job.
I want him to get the hint. I sent 4 texts that only said "sex."
well seeing as i got a call at 5 am from the hotel manager telling me my cousin was passed out on the lobby floor...not good
Yes, i finally made it. but let me tell you...i can smell myself right now in class right now, this scent is called alcoholism.
He explained how that handle got into our fridge. I think i'm going to stick with my original assumption that the vodka gods want me to drink more vodka.
Also, I want you to know, that not only am I apparently the expert on sexting. Our bishop is consulting me later. So my talents are varied.
moms trying to set me up with a 28 year old. hes graduated university like im getting high in my bed and he's an adult
Hit on in the middle of a Wal-Mart McDonald's by a really awkward nerd. There is not enough nope in the world.
The ecstacy made me so dehydrated I started licking condensation off car windows
Just wore the promise ring dad gave me freshman year of high school as a fake wedding band while I bought a pregnancy test. I think it's safe to say that's not what he had in mind with that gift 14 years ago.
Philosophical question for you: is it better to go into work slightly drunk or slightly coked out?
How much weed should I buy my mom for her birthday?
The drag queen you used to date and the girl you brought over last night are discussing your sex noises in my living room. I'm changing my locks.
I only have sex with you to have a memory to masturbate to.
Randomize
