She's like the female version of the Momento guy. She keeps forgetting that I'm an asshole after we have sex.
we just stared at taco bell's menu on the website for 2 hours
just chugged some gatorade and threw it up. todays gonna be awesome
Ummmmm okay let's be incredibly straightforward. Hi there. My bed's at half capacity this evening. How'd you like to fill it up?
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
A beef tasting is not what I needed while hungover
Btw I'm already known as the drunk roommate. Don't know if that's a success or a failure seeing as it hasn't even been a week since I've been here
I told her my hands felt like they touched the sun, never been that stoned before
where did we go last night? there's dollar bills all over my room & they're all wet.
There are regrets.. and there are RAGRETS
There might be a dead possum in your bed, your roomate is extremely distressed!
Well, if I’m not getting dick or sleep then I’m not interested.
Something is wrong here. The birds are chirping and I'm not fucking you, I'm not getting head and I don't smell bacon. Why am I up this early then?
So this ukranian guy got angry and took his clothes off. Now he has my credit card and I can't find my keys.
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