Just lost my virginity while listening to rick astley. torn between horror and jubilation
we got so high we spray painted his girlfriend's UGG boots. she's CRYING. it's hysterical.
Just found my car keys in your throw-up.
cant help it. i get a boner every time that shake weight infomercial comes on
If you bang a chick other than your girlfriend while playing tiger woods on xbox I wonder if an accomplishment would come up...
I knew the cheap date at Taco Bell would backfire because it makes even the most pre-cautious girls involuntary fart in public
just when i thought i had forgotten how badthe sex was he comes across campus solely to say hi
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
What started as a "classy" double date ended with Jeremy and I tripping our balls off and talking to the refrigerator while the girls cried on the couch and questioned where their lives were heading.
She had one unshaved part on her vagina that she called "the soul patch" I just didn't know what to think
Let's not fuck on an air mattress tonight...I'd rather get rug burn.
So the contents found in my winter coats this year: coat 1, condom and 10$. Coat 2, condom and 75$ check. Coat 3, 2.05$ and a sunflower seed.
Obviously coat 3 had the best time since you used the condom and all of the money
I got a snap of someone jumping off a light pole. Was that you? Please confirm or deny. #onWisconsin
I maxed out my credit card last night on powdered donuts and beef jerky
I just bought a mini nerf gun so he could make a bowl out of it, I deserve the fuck buddy of the year award!
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