i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
If I refrain from fucking my manager, I'm going to reward myself by fucking that guy from the photo department.
I love my boobs, they're the only thing that supports me. They make me a solid 6.
We interrupt your regularly scheduled Saturday morning programming with this important announcement: you are not the father. I repeat not the father. Congratulations and have a nice day.
I think i just threw up blood. i can't chill right now;
I was gonna tell her, but there were too many tongues in my mouth
People spilled so much that there was a thin film of beer on the floor. You took a running start, screamed, "SLIP AND SLIDE!" and slid face first through the drywall.
Dude it's huge. I don't usually like looking at those things, but you're kind of forced to stare that horse in the face.
Did you go to church in Texas and sign me up?
You need southern Jesus
All I've done for this 11 hour car ride is kegel and listen to our sex playlist so your dick better be good and ready
My diet has been 80% Fun Dip this week, soooo, no. Not good.
Headphones came off my phone same time as The Weeknd sang "Who's gonna fuck you like me?"...Everyone at work heard it.
So what if you don't want to be with your family. Go drink alone and watch Netflix like a normal person, don't be productive!
God gave you your own nipples for a reason.
You left your pants here again. 4th time in a row. How can you walk home without pants?
Randomize
