Is making out on a toilet while he is sitting down and pissing weird? cause that's what happened last night
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
You saying I have a drinkingg problem is like saying Superman has a flying problem.
just saw an anti-abortion rally outside of the courthouse...so naturally i tossed them out a coat hanger i found in my car
even your uterus rejects him.
apparently my uterus is the smartest part of my body.
just watched a cripple ollie in his wheelchair to get on to the elevated floor in the bar. I. LOVE. WISCONSIN
I love that your nipples always taste like clean laundry.
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
At some point during thanksgiving the image of me pooping on ur moms chest will come to you. Your welcome!�
Dude, I brought the fucking tequila to that party and they cheered for the chick that seriously only brought limes.
Me hangover (as projected). That sounds like a plan. Ill do it for Mexico
When I said I wanted you to make noise during sex, I didn't mean mocking ones.
I was jerking him off and in two seconds he went from "oh yeah that feels good" to "what day is Thanksgiving again?" and then back again. Like wtf.
You can trust me. I'm unemployed and not wearing pants.
that may or may not have been my penis.
Randomize
