fyi, i just bought my first strap-on. the little mermaid theme song was playing in the background.
she looked like she should be chained to micheal vicks radiator
just got 3 freshman girls to makeout with each other at a toga party! score!
why is this not a picture message?!?!
So i guess my mom went into the kitchen and asked me why i was making mac and cheese at 4 in the morning and apparently i yelled at her to "get the fuck back bitch you don't know my life"
Me and a lesbian played "may the best man win" over a bi chick tonight... I lost, still fun though
Bring my lunch to work in liquor store bags is doing nothing for my career
dude just did a line with screech. dude is fucking creepy
My nipple rings set off the metal detector at the courthouse this morning.
great! i almost saw a gas station fight, and i believe i became the first person to successfully pee and puke in a bathtub simultaneously
I found my underwear on the sidewalk 8 blocks from her house while on my walk of shame. I also found our beer bag and a full beer in the bush.
I saw him walking to campus with his beer in his hand in the same sweats he wore walking to campus with a beer in his hand yesterday.
Was I asleep on the ride home?
Yea, then when I tried to hold your head up on a turn, you round house punched me in the face.
He's way too stoned. I took him to el bra and he's laying on the table, not sure what to do with him
My boobs are numb because I've been using them as stress balls
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
Randomize
