I got wasted for the 1st time and I sat in a fridge for 2 hours and a trash can?
Just spent the rest of my time at that bar trying to keep a probs underage closet gay from touching my kitten to prove he still likes girls.
Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
you remind me of a slightly lless slutty bristol palin
and you remind me of a slightly less retarded levi johnston
My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I GOT MY PERIOD!
damn. i had names picked out.
I really have to stop waking up in hot tubs on Friday mornings.
I just did a Kegel and my back popped. My vagina is a gift to penises everywhere.
Good news. Hiccups are gone. Bad news. I had to set the bathroom rug on fire to get rid of them. Don't come home until the fire truck leaves.
are you still mad that doritos made their way into my sex life
.....a litte
Drowning in science and also vodka. Hope you're having fun.
IM GOING TO SIT ON YOUR FACE AND CHANT 'I BELIEVE THAT WE WILL WIN'
So... remember when you threw an orange in the closet when we were 16 to make wine? Just found it. Not wine.
She blew me while I watched the jets game and the hardest thing was deciding what to focus on more
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
