So how Liz Lemon is this? I bring a boy home, we get in bed, and I realize there's a lean pocket wrapper in the sheets.
ignore voicemail. the cock hath been unblocked.
i just spent an hour trying to convince my blind date that star wars is better than star trek. help me
I've slept with so many tools that you'd think my pussy was Home Depot.
Thank you blackberry messenger, for giving me a way to sext faster and more efficiently
I know it should be off bounds, but can this be the chick we all sleep with at some point? I can write it off as drunken mistake, you all just have to come up with equally good excuses
I rarely go in there. Unless it's for mini cadbury eggs and whiskey.
Just FYI, I'm breaking up with my boyfriend tonight and you need to be on call to be my first rebound bang
Some random walked into our tent, woke her up and said "Harry Potter must not go back to Hogwarts!"
ugh... thank God for ATM withdrawal limits. I was drunk enough to give that weird shaped stripper all of my money while making her cry in the back room.
3 for 3 on getting girls who say "yolo" at the bar to have anal. Not the motto I live by, but it has changed my life.
Erry day erry day!
well they never fully had sex so she's like an eskimo step-sister. I'll make a family tree for you.
WE SHOULD MAKE A WORKOUT ROUTINE CALLED BARCARDIO
Trust me, dating 38 and 20 year old dudes at the same time is the best. Money plus all of the sex. Finally figured out this relationship thing.
I'm at the back whiskey bar with a 7 and 7 in a winnie the pooh costume. Come find me.
Randomize
