I wanna go to beed woth a nboy
She is totally STD
Is it a bad omen that my phone auto corrects dtf to STD
She celebrated a negative pregnancy test by going out to Quizno's. I really don't understand her at all.
I can't wait to see you, I've been doing mouth stretches for the past 2 days
she just made some guy spank her... then made some chick take a running start and spank her.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
Just had a memory of you pretending to be a begging dog putting your head on my lap while I fed you. Great night to try a new drug.
I don't know what I wash first. My body or my puke painted car. People are judging me as I drive by.
I swear to god, if you fuck the hot one you're paying me back for the shot I just bought her
We really gotta change brands again because 2-ply is making us feel like the celebrities we aren't.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
While we were having sex he asked me if I wanted to get wingstop after. I think I found my future husband.
I honestly don't understand how your night went from singing a touching rendition of Africa to an angry political rant to low key trying to find a frat boy to bang to doing dishes to yoga
Look, his dick is so good at being a dick that it makes me see God. And I don't even believe in God.
i still cant feel my toes or walk straight...its been 2 days.
Randomize
