I sware she could use her own nose as a dildo.
you asked the guy at 7-11 if he remembered when you came in and threw news paper every where... then you did it again
this is two weekends in a row I've been the pantsless girl at the party. I love my social life.
naw. unless you want me to sit in a corner, not understand english and eat all of your cheese then i don't think it's a good idea.
Why were you having sex on top of my left over pizza in the kitchen?
The police woke me up so they had no choice but to see my morning wood.
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
Not only is he in the circus, the man survived a near death experience and has an accent. She might as well have found a unicorn. This shit just doesn't happen in real life. Where did she meet this magical creature?
He put oyster crackers in his ramen noodles. Is that a thing? Because holy shit I had never thought of it before and if it's not a thing he's my new stoner hero for discovering it.
Cheez-its and a bottle of cab...for under $10 you could win this girls heart
also, am i correct in guessing that advertising the size of my hypothetical penis is a turnoff to him?
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
I need to be put in a corner surrounded by pamphlets of stds and babies
I promised her I would shit on your driveway. There's nothing that you or I can do about it now.
Your slutty phase was the highlight of my year.
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