Why does it always sting when I'm breaking the seal taking a piss?
b/c u have herpes
No i said "always", not "since 2003" Asshole.
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
Why must guys tell girls who are a little bigger that "they like a girl with meat on her bones?" Yeah needless to say he went home alone
She wouldn't stop saying her own name. Like a damn pokemon.
His drunken night ended with a "car accident" which really meant he was stuck in a toy car and pushed down the steps.
Fail #1 I puked off the balcony onto the balcony below us and when I tried to pour water on it in the morning to wash it off it just went all over their deck. Sorry room 1342 but welcome to Jamaica
Things are going great. I have tons of beer, margaritas, and theres an inflatable swan in the mix.
Afterwards she kept poking it and saying "it looks so sad and small" I dont know if I wanted to reach this state in our relationship...
Meeting girls and telling em you have no hair on your calves is not an acceptable pick up line
WHY AM I ALWAYS THE ASSHOLE WHO BREAKS OUT THE SHOTS
Drove by a cop already pulling someone over and toasted him with my bong
It's 4 in the afternoon........
Because I know nothing is hotter than ocean themed dick pics on SnapChat...
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
I admit I fucked your best friend, but to be fair, you fucked the tristate area. So there's a good chance about 40% of those people are MY friends.
And then she grabbed my dick and started singing 'ring ring ring ring banana phone'
Randomize
