My feet smell like cheese. Makes me hungry.
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
im in his phone as 'great ass to tap'
history professor just told us he has magic fingers. i'm going for it.
I just found glitter on my vibrator... whatever we're doing has to stop
Lost gin update. Blackout me found and re-hid the bottle. Left a note to myself saying, "GOOD LUCK, SUCKER!"
We were thinking he might be gay. Like how the fuck do you not even make out with a girl that made you a grilled cheese
You have a roommate and cry when you see my dick
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Yo, I can't just ask my mom where she relocated my vibrator to, can I?
I hope your face alive. Lemme know if you are breathing in the morning. If not. Whoever is reading this tell me when the funeral for this awesome mother fucker is and we will rage at that event. Kthanksbye
I'm not gonna lie, my internet creeping skills scare me. I'm like Liam Neeson in Taken
I just want the relationship Bob and Linda Belcher have- is that too much to ask?!
I just had a morning three-some with marijuana and a detachable shower-head
Can I send you a random dick pic? It's got a lightsaber tattoo
Randomize
