she kept calling me pablo. i just went with it.
He found my weave.. Think he'll still fuck me Friday? And how do I ask for it back?
I just bought the ATT family protection plan so that I could block all of my old bar hookups from booty calling me...
On the way home she put on a necklace with her name on it and wrote my name in sharpie across my chest so that in the morning we could avoid the awkward Idk who the fuck you are conversation. Best. Girl. Ever.
YOUR BALLS CAME OUT. DONT CALL ME A SHITSHOW.
But I did spend part of my morning scrubbing your cum off my grandmothers piano.
So your contact has been changed to "jizz weave" in my phone. Now, as strange and random as that may be, I'm slightly embarrassed to say that I have more than one contact that fits that description so please identify yourself.
You can't call dibs on the bed... every time you party you KO in the bathtub
I'm so hungover that I just wrote up my will because I'm afraid I'm gonna die. I'm leaving you my bong.
Actually here it's more "lie around naked in a dark room" weather.
Currently watching Zombie Sharks while high. This is why I love Shark Week.
Nothing says "I'm sorry for shitting in your bed" like an Olive Garden gift card
this isn't the first time drunken padiddle ended in a fist fight..
He was fingering me and I came so hard that I actually broke his wrist. We're at the ER now.
Hahahaha. He sent me a dick snap in the lululemon stockroom. What is life. If this works out, this could benefit everyone....
Randomize
