I had to get a ride home from that girl that slept with 3/4 of the band
FYI..good luck when you get back from work.. mom and dad know about the boy you brought home last night
haha good one..how did you even know?
we all know. he obviously didn't leave when you might have told him to.. he came down when we were eating because he coud smell mom's cooking. the dude ate with us and offered to say grace. so yeah, good luck.
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
It's like my butt was the only innocence I had left and now I don't even have that.
Will you just get over yourself and come over here and give me that dick...then you can go back home and continue to cry over us breaking up. Thank you
Nothing says I've got my life together like vomiting on the groom and passing out at your youngests sisters wedding
Its a first. Never been peed on in a line to concert. First time for everything.
She kept telling me it was a squirtgun.
all I've ever wanted was a guy with twelve cats who will tie me up in bed
Her tits are absolutely massive. Like ripleys believe it or not shit
Pssh I just bang a girl in a single person tent. Thats like the back seat of a sedan.
Are you on your way? Get your date and black out with me. Democracy's at stake.
Have you ever eaten pizza and gotten your dick sucked at the same time? Because I have pizza.
Hey I need you to run the morning meeting, for reasons I can explain when I find out where I left my car
Sitting on couch, workout sex makes me more sore than regular workout
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