Does this mean you'll turn into an Albanian at the next full moon?
life lesson learned today: sleeping pills and laxatives don't mix.
It's mornings like this that make me happy to have a clean pair of underwear in my purse.
She used my dick as a microphone to sing "any way you want it" I'm in love.
His hospital is closing...I consider it "sorry you're losing your job" sex.
He only talks to me during the summer and it's probably because I let him fuck me in my pool last year.
Quick question, how many times can you get chlamydia before your vagina just gives up and falls off?
His thanks his mom for not having an abortion at his wedding toast. I love frat weddings.
You forgot your "boyfriend" from last night on my couch. You're suppose to bring that shit with you.
If our text convos ever saw the light of day lives would be in tatters
It's always a good night until the penis tattoo makes an appearance
Got serenaded to on the streets of Denver...the song was about a young banana that made really big decisions, got stds, and joined a gang. I think I like Colorado
This guy at the airport was telling me 3/4 dudes in his group got rufied at some strip club. One guy woke up in the hospital, another found himself in a random parking garage, the other got back to the room and they all shit their pants. Go Vegas.
Yay! Also. When you're coming down eat waffles and touch yourself. You won't regret it.
Sooooo drunk. We had the best sex ever and after he looked at me and said "That's whats up". I looked at him weird and he said "Young Jeezy would say it" and passed out on me naked. I think i might be in love
Randomize
