i just overheard my mom tell my dad he should drink less so he could hit the right hole
we made out on top of his cat.
Why do bread and butter chips remind me of eating out your mom?
well it doesn't count as a walk of shame if he drops you off at your class in his golf cart
i'm at a baby shower....never been happier to not be having sex currently
on toilet. in drag. drinking coffee vodka. I regret nothing.
he said it was like fucking a big sack of slut potatoes
Yes, that was me on the jumbo tron. No, i don't know why i was hiding.
My roommate threw his shoe through our window and I came out of my blackout kicking holes in my wall. Pretty sure Edward 80 Hands won't be happening anymore.
just woke up to a get well card i wrote myself when i was drunk. it was by the advil. i am a cocky bitch.
Dude I live in a fucking closet and still get laid every weekend. Figure it out.
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I believe I can fly has to be one of the most inspirational songs of our time. Seriously R. Kelly nailed it
Then he went and peed on those teenagers.
Great news. Our sex broke my otter box
OMG I WAS JUST THINKING ABOUT HOW OUR FRIENDSHIP IS SO REAL BECAUSE I SHOW YOU DICK PICS AND WE LAUGH TOGETHER.
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